my mum figured that in order to plant the seed of creativity,its essential to let the children make their mess, like mouldind out of shape doughs,and let them participate in the various things that adult do,so that they also learn the sense of responsibility and independence which are essential in their later years.so today,bright and early,my mum engaged them in PT.no,not physical training,its...

PROJECT TART

so basically,the aim of project tart is not to create delicious yummy looking pineapple tarts,but to create tarts,that are shaped,according to their own creativity.so while my mum was busy arranging tarts like how they should be arranged, the other two were having fun,waiting for their turn to bake theirs.



ahh,never too late for a picture.after their tart making session.

so my mum's definition of tarts are round yellow things,with a little depression in the middle for the filling.since it wasnt any occasion special for tarts,she make them simple.(note that the fillings are placed by the two boys.) and this is her definition of normal tarts.



but apparently,the boys had another definition of tarts.to them,tarts should be happy looking, jolly and funny too.
so here are their jolly tarts.

courtesy of ekhsan



courtesy of the lil goalpost,Kidtoy(toothless wonder)



These are jolly tarts=).ahh.and this is them after baking their happy,jolly and funny tarts.they are obviously happy with how their tarts turn out.




haha,anyway i had fun looking (and eating) their JOLLY tarts.

Children,what are they? Happy Jolly and Funny Creatures,just like the tarts they make.
haha.haf a good day all,cya!

ps: mm.i swear im still annoyed.

im still up at 1.30 am (thats not exactly something out of normalcy.heh.) but the house seems abit too quiet for my own preference.anyway,i can hear kidtoy snoring from where im sitting.ahh.the lil goalpost always sleeps noisily. anyway,today wasnt much of an interesting dayy,except for the fact that dad actually brought home live footage of ghost caught on tape.i swear,it was the scariest MOFO shit ever.i can never look at trees normally again. but what the heck, this feeling will wear off.haha.

anyway,to my dearest darling lovable MOFO, jane,i do not know why the tagboard screws up on you. and pls,the rest of the world has no problem with the tagboard,only you do.and i think thats because youre a cacing sesat. heh. and im not a kecoa sesat dodo.eee.but anyway,because i love you so much,i shall look for a better alternative to cater your MOFO internet in aussie.so hang on in there!

i actually have to wake up early to accompany ma to bedok interchange.i cannot believe this.she'd drag me out even if im so sleepy.and i wonder what business does she have roaming the streets of bedok?haha.probably to go pay bills or sth,i wasnt exactly listening.duh.

watch yet another nice episode of the indonesian sinetron,Dia. and watch Coyote Ugly. im currently stuck on Le'Ann Rimes song,what issit called again?something moonlightish?ahh.heck.the songs very obsolete really.hmm.

anyway,i have yet to bitch to jane abt some weird person now.i bitched abt her to mei already,so i shud have a really good time bitching again.anyway,it boils me up when people plays Copycat with me.its just plain annoying.

and it made me look at the weird person in utter disgust.such an abhorrency and lack of maturity on the shelf display for me to puke at.can you like find your own identity,instead of forever remaining in other's shadow. such a filthy disgusting faggot.and its all pure bitchiness,jealousy and competition. i dont know why she always viewed me as competition and has dis intense yearning to mimick everything i do,and then somehow plan to outdo me some way.gosh,are you trying to exult the waves of the ''top girl in this business'' and therefore inflicting some sort of annoying vibes to me?haha,so NOT working.

ahh.enough of my incessant rantings.its probably such a bore to read.i mean,writing about a faggot,cannot be worth-mentioned as interesting can it?haha.loves to all.nights.

Happy Lunar New Year To All!!Well,today wasnt exactly a fabulous day to begin with,but i do not care anyways. talking about individuals like him will just make me a bitter and melancholic young adult when im suppose to be vibrant brimming with energy.anyway the previous entry was just a release of bottled up thoughts. Anyway,im too lazy to describe my monotonous day, so i shall just harp on a random topic.


MY ENCOUNTER WITH BEEF FAN-TASTIC!
(c'mon singapore here's something new!)



me and wan were like excited because we saw the cheery advertisment on teevee.i had doubts about the burger actually.the idea of rice meshed up in beef is the very epitome of disgusting food i had in mind.but anyway,we tried it.and on my first bite,i spat the MOFO shit out.and that very second,i THANK MELLY for saying it was nice MOFO weeks ago.Gosh.what kind of BURGER is that??its disgusting i dont like it,i dont want it and i wont buy it again! total waste of money i tell you.argh.i conclude that the beef fantastic is only catered to the chinese tongue seriously, it has this herby spicey taste,the kind that the chinese love to eat,you know.anyway.i dont wana talk abt it anymore.i feel mofo enuff for forking out money for it.

THE EMBARASSMENT AT 7-ELEVEN!
(7-eleven,its a store and more!)



ahh.after our encounter with the beef fanta-SICK, we headed to 7-eleven to look for munchies to get the terrifying taste away from our poor tongues.so we bought starfruit drink.and as we were paying,we saw these 'crazy pipes' (pict above).its 1.25 per bucket actually so we were like arranging the pipes to the maximum fullest and the counter people were like smirking.i was telling wan ''ENOUGH ALREADY'' and he piled up summore.OMG.and when it was time to pay,MOFOS OF THE WORLD UNITE,we spilled it everywhere,by that time,the counter people burst out in guffaws to my distinct horror!omg omg.MOFO.argh.so while blushing like mad,we just scoot away from the scene, vowing never to step foot again in 7-eleven!

ahh.days are never boring with wan around,although he can be an absolute pain in the ass,he is one nice jolly fella, never too hesitant to try something new and the very person to ask out to eat when youre hungry at unearthly hours.cheers!



goodnights to all.have a lovely day ahead=).

cant seem to catch some sleep. (probably because i slept like a pig earlier today) but anyway,since wan(my brother) mentioned it, i cannot get it out of my mind.gosh.why does a married man cannot behave like a married man, and be sensitive towards the endearing feelings of the wife and also avoid uneccessary chatter on various internet websites.(not that theres anything wrong with cyber communication but i personally feel utterly disgusted when certain perverse requests surfaces.) and cyberchat are for desperados.

when asked,all you utter is ''its to release stress''.look,im (nearly) 17,and who are you trying to bullshit anyway? sometimes i still believe that you actually think im 12 and that you can actually fool me.but you have to understand i know MORE than you do,and even though youre in your thirties and might consider me a young junkie, (with no experience whatsoever), youre wrong, because technology moves in my generation,not in yours. you have a mighty long way to go.

so you decide to change your password so as to leave us in the dark of all your socialites entertaining you online? my my MY.you are one cunning man.and the fact that we have the same blood running in our veins,it makes me look down on you in shame, of all the times,you fooled us.

i see the woman,in my eyes, she yearns for your attention every single day, try to do the best for you, loves you even when you have your flaws and trust you when you break it everytime.my heart weeps for her,the woman who has been loving you for nearly 2 decades.if you want to cheat to lie and act like you can get away with it, why utter the vows 17 years ago?why dont you enjoy more of your days as a bachelor back then, and instead of relieving it now?

you know that it is wrong and right now, i cannot look you in the eye without having feel disgusted.you piss me off with your indecencies and that wayward behaviour of yours.im amazed at your capacity to tolerate the guilt that you have when you inflict so much pain on all of us.or maybe you did not feel any guilt at all?

and now you leave me in a dilemma.to change the password or to completely ignore and get on with life or even worst,tell her what youve been up to eg.that other woman. if you dont love me,its okayy, i do not want to be loved anyway,but i urge you to look at kidtoy's and ekhsan's face,see how much in need are they of a father figure and i want you to reflect the kind of figure you are in their lifes.no doubt,you take a huge part in caricaturing their emotional psychological development.everyone knows that.

right now,i feel disgusted at you hugging her when you dont mean it.and right now part of me is yearning to break it out to her.but i know you better.you will threathen the existence of our concurrently ''happy family'' and hence i do realise in the long run,the devastation will not incurred only on you and her but most importantly, the little ones plus me and wan.am i suppose to keep mum?

what kind of moral dilemma is this?bullshit.im frustrated.dear god(my one and only place to cry on), why do you create him to be delusional and so egoistical?the pain he inflicts on us is unbearable and ironically, ive still managed to have bits of love hung on my modest heart for him.countless times physical pain i endured,even having to be deaf for a week and yet i was silent abt it.even running for help with my barefeet, i still have love for him. thank you for making me strong all this while god,i believe pain is temporary and please guide me in making decisions these forthcoming week. i sense its going to be a rough road for all of us.

make me say the correct things and do what im supposed to do.i know i always turn to you when im in times of need, but really all this while,i have no one who fully understands me as i would like to,and show some emphathy to me. only you can show him where he has gone wrong.

Dear God,i live in your glory and by your will is how i live.I've seen your greatness and i belive you wouldnt let me stray and forsake me.i love you god.please protect each and every single one of my siblings and my mother. dunt let him hurt them.sighh.


goodnite dear world.thanks for hearing me out.

yours truly,
nadira.

Introducing The Wonders Of The Calling Card!!



i must be the only moron in the world that doesnt know such a calling card exists.once upon a time, i had a guyfriend who moved over to aussie,and well,i asked around how to call him when i knew it would be so expensive. One girlfriends sayd, buy a phonecard!so me,being the incredibly ditzy me,thinks the calling card as the one used for operating those phonebooth and couldnt stand picturing myself like a pathetic loser at the phonebooth talking to a guyfriend whose like in aussie.so in the end i did not go and buy a calling card.so a few years later a good frend pursue education in aussie too,and she sayd i can always call her direct at this aussie number,and in my mind i went like OH DARN.instantaneously,a picture of me standing at the phonebooth like a pathetic loser emerged again.

UNTIL I FIND OUT I CAN USE THIS AT HOME.hmph.now who is to blame for NEVER explaining to me about what a calling card is all about?damn.(and to jane: i am NOT naming this entry as THE MOFO WHO JUST KNEW ABT THE CALLING CARD!)ahh anyway,on abt the wonders, it boasts the capacity of $15 and has special promotions like having 3 hours ++ free and best of all,you pay ONLY 10 dollars for it. (haha.nadd is being SUAKU.)
ok enough abt the calling card already!

had the usual conversation with jane on the phone.told her about Dan the Man.and we were in hysterics.anyway, jane told me how to dl Bleach,you know the anime so me,being the ditzy me,dunno wat,go dl the song.and dats not all!the comp has to be ON overnight.can you imagine the intensity of my heart ache?argh.i shall try it again.soon.
ahh,we shall talk again next friday.haha.

anyway,someone(S) has to responsible for this.



ive been keeping mum abt this,wanting to see how far this can go.i mean,maybe by your standards, this is little, 220 in 4 days but for me,it strucked me as alot because ive always deemed my blog as ''little known of'' and the fact it has the average of 55 readers per day is shocking.ok maybe minus the times i went inside to check would be abt less than 20 but this still does not explain it.i dont mind people stumbling or reading or what BUT can you at least tag so that i know youve been reading?so at least it keeps the panick away.although im appealing for y'all to tag, i know many would not heed anyway but ahh,the possibilities are endless,maybe YOU read it,or yOu or yOU or You...
ahh wtv.and up to date ONE hatemail.NONO i_rule,your pscychological warefare on me is less than sucessful.amazing the things people do to sastify themselves.hmm.

by the wayy.kidtoys SECOND tooth drop as he was eating the Mc'Harshbrowns? haha.so now his mouth is like a MINI goalpost.and when he talks,theres rain.dad even candidly remarked that,''ahh kidtoy,with a hole that big in your mouth,its easier for you to breath...'' haha.okayy.

heres a picture to illustrate,(pic taken when we were gg back from 7-eleven)



ahh.thats all.goodday to all.god bless.

im completely annoyed today.even with the privilege (i consider it a privilege) of not having to come to school for the first 3 months, i am so busy and i'm every annoyed. i have so many things to do and in this house of mine, the folks have picked up the crutch mentality.so whenever they make the mess, they think to themselves, ''OH.she doesnt go to school!LET HER CLEAN IT!'' when its their mess,and not mine.ahh.

this is plain selfish.just this noon,i woke up (to get kidtoy ready for school) daddy came into the room and sayd ''will you go to bedok interchange and pay the bills for me?'' to which i utter a HUGE yawn and sayd my legs are in pain,so i cannot do it therefore i will not do it. and he got pissed.thats not justice.its unacceptable.afterall,yesterday i slept at ard 3.because of the different animated chores i have to do.how platonic.

anyway,i was too tired to wake up,and ended up NOT going back to TK and even worst,missed sahuria's n co performance at TPJC.not that i regret not having gone back to TK,but sahuria's performance!!i miss the UN girls already. As for not coming back to TK, i have no regrets as there were people like WAINPOT who did not want to even talk to me,the bitch!and afterall,practically majority of the UN girls are not going back,so i dont see the point.

and i havent missed the school yet.i'll wait for teachers days to come back and pay the MOLE a visit. okayy maybe by then,i'd have already forgotten abt TK.but mrs kong is good enough a reason.in fact i shall go up to her and talk in HER voice.in case you havent heard,i can do a great impersonation of her voice.ahh.thats what i call TALENT.

even though people like Elis and May Yee,acknowledge it as having spent too much time with her already which i think is true,i still think dis is talent,that kinda voice,not many can imitate.haha.anyway,in simple words, i miss mrs kong.=) i heard the new leadership is not any better.changing school visions and stuff,making it like a military school.i tellyou, she wont reign at the throne for long, because she will begin to hate the atmosphere in tk, as theres so much bitching and hatred towards her currently. i do think thats partly why mrs loke left,although,this is just an opinion AND if any out there decides that im bitching in one way or another,please im just commenting and if you decide you want publicity,this is not the one that youre looking for. trust me.*smiles politely*

ahh.i have dis sudden inclination to change template.and to my utmost annoyance, the cBox is like gone,so are the music codes.im so annoyed.i shall take my own sweet time doing a template,then when its done i'll dilly dally put it up.yawnz.im so annoyed.

being annoyed is annoying because the annoyance is annoying my annoyed mind.twinkies.

and today ekhsan took the pledge as he is a prefect for FPS.ahh.they have a tie now,unlike those silly sports band i had to wear when i was a prefect back then.im happy for him=).the investiture was just now anyways. i shall post a picture of his tie soon.take care all.god bless!

just finished watching the news.yet another weak attempt at discussing the controversial issue of public caning. i witnessed it every now and then when i was in primary school,so why dident anyone say anything abt it back then? that was almost a decade ago,and dey brought it up now?like NOW. -shakes head in disbelieval-

anyway my real intention here is to post a pictorial entry.so yea.remember yesterday i went to meet farah? well i did.and here she is.haha.what is my problem?okayy anyway,yea,dis is her=).



we ate at Burger King (i dunno why,seems retarded i actually even bothered to illustrate BK.)



den she went with her other half and i met the crazy two.Jirah and Saihah,DUH.



and the two were taking their own sweet time,eating long john for HALF an hour.and NO jirah, You did not win.
i was seriously in despair man.like WHEN will they ever finish?haha.seems like FOREVER.anyway,dis are the slowmos eating=).



Finally finished eating,BUT havent finish Drinking.
so Wait wAit and waiT.-....-

we went window shopping at Bugis Street.and found alot of nice things,but US being US,
we only look at things that really catch our attention,like FUNNY underwear like dis one=).



SPONGEBOB galore!and look at the hole at the mouth.what the heck.
and of course,since CNY is just around the corner,there are festivity in designs of the underwear,like dis one=).



ahh.enough of funny underwear really.anyway,i really want this royal necklace.sighh.and dis flip flops.







at the traffic light with them,still can take pictures.our motto: EVERYWHERE we step is a PHOTOSHOOT.
hahaha.tired but not too tired to flash a smile for the camera!cheese.



THIS is the LOGO on saihahs SHIRT.talk about being FUNNY.hahaha.

oh wells.it was a happy day after all.and i also kissed a happy house frog=).lalala.



lalala.FROG PRINCE EHH.action.dats it=).hahaha.ok im tired.goodnight all.

its not so much the world that seems to have a problem with me,its the people in it.its just so annoying to have someone come up to you and say ' sorry,thats not good enough.' or maybe 'no thats just plain ugly,and it looks like ( fill in whatever disgusting noun here) ' and than have a good laugh at you or maybe even worst, tell the others to laugh along too.its good that i can bottle it up because, when i keep my annoyance to myself,i dont hurt anybody but myself,and thats what i care about the most. i am capable of excellent tongue-lash but of course, i woudnt inflict it on anybody because it would only reflect incredibly low maturity level and of course,my upbringing.

they are out to hurt and it all depends on my self-fortress that i build around me.the fortress that will isolate me from the spearing cutting vengeance that tried to make its way in.judgments perspectives and thoughts,they are endless. but i sure do hate stating,without a reason or even worst,being utmost random.

randomness is just a sense of territory.you want to decide who you hate (not because they have actually done something bad to you.and in some cases,you havent even met him/her in person) and you also want to decide who you like.there are some who progressed to the next stage of randomness,by bitching to his/her heart content and having a good time about it.this are the people whom i cannot tolerate.there is also another feature of randomness,that is by glorifying the ones you like,even though their achievements are so minimal.the applause for the persons, whom the random-er(if theres ever such a word) is more than exaggerated and in some cases the achievement is a complete atrocity of negativity.

so ask me now,why is there such behaviour in the world where religion,integrity and decorum takes centre-stage? im not sure of it myself.but what i theorised is that, they seek attention,they are competitive and would stop at anything to outdo,outwit and outlast.but NO.they are not survivors.they are plain try-hards who are looking for attention and raise some controversy about themselves so that they are noticed,they are the limelight.wow.

do you know of any random-er in your life?i do.but usually,this disgusting behaviour,is usually temporary at random-er always go for the prize(or so,he/she thinks it is) and try to exult the waves of a ''ruler'' in a territory.
i guess thats it for today.goodday world.loves.

i initially wanted to do a pictorial entry,but i decided against it because im officially not feeling that right now. the mixed feelings im having now are intertwining into my enthusiasm level.which is definitely not good,because when im in this mode,what great things i planned for myself will not be executed and neither will it be compromised.

bitter.if thats the taste you decide to let me have,im sorry,im spitting it out in your face.and you had better deal with it.i realised its no use being emotional,feeling so attached to a particular person because in the end, youre not appreciated.maybe the bitterness is rubbing off me,but i choose not to think that way.

its like youre a leech.youre like draining all of my patience,drop by drop.i refuse to think youre immatured, but somehow,day by day,u make me doubt you.and whats the use of being in denial?why cant you just stay in your world and stop intruding in mine? in other words,why carn you keep your irritating self out of my view?why do you always have to make me feel this way?why do you always make me wanna wrench ur head off and throw it in the sea?gosh.im letting it out like an insane sadist and it feels good.

i should stop this.
before it gets WAY out of hand.

goodnight world=)

sealed in your name,clasped in your hand
nothing comes between,nothing will stand
when they see us coming they'll run away
we've built the fortress,and we're going to stay
as i looked in your eyes,feelings unfold
i can see the story,thats never been told
so tell me why youre hiding
i can feel my eyes twitching
dont try, dont make me cry
dont pry,when all you do is lie
ive got to learn how to trust
if i want this to last.

-nadira 12.19AM-

ive decided that pictorial entries are more fun.but it is very time consuming.the process of uploading is very slow. well,at least it means i get to type less.anyways,today is a typical day.im online most of the time.and these are the people whom i avidly talk to today=).

Night Owls



Jirah and Sai=).talking about the the crappiest things on earth.haha.

Day Girlz



the bratz girlz- jane wal and melly.haha.dey are the fun bunch of bananas=).haha.okayy that was totally random. haha.nevertheless i love em. -sloppy kisses- haha.

interacting online is one of the best things to do especially if youre bored,jobless and limping like me. it keeps me occupied by the way.anyhows here are pictures after the tp open house.i dont have many but i thought they were worth posting anyhow.



THE PUCK TABLE-where we made a din when we played 3 times in a row,me jirah siti and sahuria



Shoes shoes and more shoes=) at tamp Mall.and jirah tried on 235840 shoes.hehe.(thats exaggerated really.)



dont you just hate it when people portray Cutesy?dis is one of the Arab Tourist we found at tamp mall. and dont tell me that looks like jirah,because i dont wanna hear it.=P

we met Nurul too,who works at Toys R us.She looks androgynous doesnt she?haha.



anyway,im lusting after a fur Guess handbag now,which is 169 dollars and 90 cents.gosh.look at this beau.



its pink.and i so love the font=).piece of art.well done well done.haha.

anyway,tho i dont say it often,



i love my mom=).

nights to all.loves.

ps:simone's shirt is still with me,jane.gosh.haha.ok,i'll arrange a day to meet her soon.heh.
and oh,been really long since i saw simone.missed her=).


photographer: Jane

as many of you all know, its a daily chore for me to bring kidtoy to school (until i even got myself into an accident on a bicycle) and bring him back home at the end of school.but you dont actually know the details.not that im going to type everything out.im going to use pictures today.so without further a do,let us go through the journey from which i fetch kidtoy at 6.00 pm everyday.

after singing the national anthem,the primary ones will be dismissed class by class.kidtoy is from 1H. so i have to wait because H isnt exactly the beginning of the alphabet.when they are dismissed,they are actually scattered all over.BUT.thats not a problem for me because kidtoy is easily distinguishable due to his,err,size?yea. so i carried his Gransazers Bag (in case you all do not know,Gransazers are like Power Rangers,only the chinese version), so here he is,after being dismissed.



OH YES.i forgot to mention he lost his tooth,while feasting on his 3rd serving of fried rice. but anyway, look at his toothy grin.ahh.theres a meaning behind it. it means: ''Kak,can i have a Popsicle? pleeaasse...'' dunt know whats a popsicle? read on. so,that explains it.haha.



so THATS a POPSICLE.yes.kidtoy wont have anything else.i even asked him if he would like soya bean or something, but he woudnt have it. i know why.because all his other peers are drinking popsicles too.so he must have one. If kidtoy knew how to say it,he would say ''Popsicles are the IN thing now!'' haha.



this is the CLASSIC toothless grumble.Grumbling about what else- the bus which takes forever to come.haha.



i can roughly tell what he is thinking about.he is probably thinking abt the mutton curry and dollops and dollops of rice that will come with it,plus the soft delicious potatoes which he did not get to eat as he had to go to school. as in, ma did not finish cooking when he left for school.so he did not taste it!



kidtoy asked me what dis sign is for?well i answered,its to tell people that little kids old people and pregnant ladies need the seat more than others do.to which he replied in defiance that, ''kakak,youre not small!youre not old and youre not pregnant!so why are you sitting down?im primary one and im still kecik. -...- kids say the darndest things.



the little pest is eat-cited at the thought of food.look at his face.you can tell it.im sure you can. and oh, look at the belly!haha.kidtoy is capable of MANY funny faces.which makes him very adorable.haha=).well to me at least.



he skips happily towards the lift.target is approaching near.what else? mutton curry plus potatoes plus dollops and dollops of rice den!



''kakak,we are going in the lift now.so when we reach home,make sure you give me rice to eat with the mutton and 2 potato slices...dot dot dot.''and oh, ''i want to eat twice!but please dont tell mama or else,im going to tell her you keep using the phone till late!'' yes Yes yEs. its a deal.look.gimme a break, i carn HAVE my mum knowing im hogging on the phone when shes at work right?hehe.



the tired fetcher(if theres ever such a word).carrying the gransazers bag. (not) looking forward to giving him a bath (because he splashes ard like a hippo) and helping him with homework.

and oh,his favourite book at the moment?



Mr Marvel and The Washing.
all i can say is,at the end of the story, Mr Marvel's Pet mouse, Squeak, gets hanged on the clothesline too.
but the books good,its repetitive.it helps in teaching kids how to read.

actually,i have alot more to blog on.but i'll do that later.i stll have to wake up at 8 later to go jogging.
goodnight to all.
loves.

HAH.dis is the multiple entry of the day.and please do note that putting up this picture is simply an out-of-the-world experiment to see if i can get more readers to read.



the VAINPOT and the very epitome of NARCISSUS.

now lets wait and see if this increases the number of readers.
haha.alaa wanyun,i love you la bitch!=)

tatas.nights to all=)

the scent of the rain is lingering in the air.such a safe feeling in the heart,and clear in the mind of the fogging that has occured when i inhale deeply the air after it has rained.its almost therapeutical actually.as a young child,ive always been happy when it rains and i would continuosly breath in heavily,as if greedy,to grab the scent=).anybody who could produce that scent,i would be your first customer.

well, yet another normal day today.and mum cooked chili crab.tiny ones which were still alive when we stewed it in the pot.nonetheless,the departure from the crabs did not cause me any guilt because they taste really good.-grins- well, been on the computer since forever actually.no inspiration has strucked me yet to write a meaningful entry. the reason i wrote is because,its a ''tradition'' of the day.so i feel incomplete if i dont write something.

anyway,bounced along the supermarket with the boys. (kidtoy ehksan wan) went to the nightmarket (pasar malam), and they bought chicken little plastic files.even wan (be reminded that he is Sec 3).hilarious.theres a first time for everything,so today i tried the longest and tastiest hotdogs ive ever tasted during my existence on earth for a staggering(yes, staggering) 17 years.plus its cheesi-fied.(no such word?) anyway,wan thought they were the perfect epitome of disgusting food.i agreed with him,but who cares,they taste good and it made us laughed. anyway, i got another handphone cover.and its hott pink.-yipes in happiness-

melly and dixie called tho.topic of the day, the affairs of the heart.ahh.to melly, think twice ehh.
like i already said,i do not want you to wake up tomorrow morning and it strucked you that you have done the wrong thing.and i have confidence in your capability in doing that.so think harder.

im getting abit restless.its the man u match versus liverpool live now.i hope the latter wins!
nights to all.god bless.

today was another splendid day.met up with most of the United Nations, saihah,sahuria,jirah, raf and siti. Its been awhile=).so you bet i was really glad to meet up with them.met up at the tp bustopp.turns out, im punctual. so we entered tp and did not even touch any goody bag (which looked like they came from a thrift store and are on sale, 3 for 10 dollars,anyone?)anyway we headed for the singapore idol meet and greet session. olinda and sly were busy signing autographs and snapping pictures with the fans who obviously went wild with this special appearance of olinda and sylvester.i noticed that sly looks better in real life.yess.so we sat at the common staircase while anticipating the performance that we were due for, the tpDk,Panjy erm,demo?yea.then it was malay dance showcase and the rugby HAKKA.(sp?).omg.it was funny.i dunno why,but they were so enthusiastic,you can practically see that they are serious about the somewhat amusing steps when doing the hakka.

they went like ''KUM MA TEH KUM MA TEH!!'' *followed by the sumo stomp action?* EH?dunt ask me.im not sure of it myself=p.anyways,the DK performance was hilarious and very spontaneous.its very engaging because most of the time,they were sprouting nonsense like ''when you want to rhyme,rhyme properly,if you start with E you must end with E!'' haha.basically nonsense.

by then,our butts were definitely screaming to be held up by our legs, because we were so tired of sitting.and my leg was giving me problems.so i still do walk like the hunchback of notrrreee dahmm,definitely.so after that we headed to tampines and ate at lj.i definitely missed lj,the last time i went there,i was in my uniform=).haha.den sat there and chatted like for an hr.before heading on to play arcade.played racing car,courtesy of jirah=).she sponsored. den played puck.and we were sweating like mad woman. hahaha. 3 games in a row is very tiring.yepps. so it was very fun.

as you can see,im very tired and i seem to be quite brief abt today.later when im like ok already, i'd blog summore. and prolly put up pictures or sth.that is IF i have the mood.if not,you might as well forget it=).haha.

overall,its definitely a well-spent day with friends,that at the end of the day, matters the most.love yu girls=).
speaking of which,the call that lasted between me and jane cost only a dollar fifty.haha.its very cheap, considering we talked for like 56 mins and 17 secs?haha.close to an hr.oh wells.

tiddly doos to all.yawnz.

ps: i admit, i am trying to hint ryt now,so bear with me.youre so shrewd.i dont know WHEN will you understand the different degrees of closeness that varies between any two individuals.sometimes i wonder if you ever thought of me as the one that snatches.because if you really feel that wayy,you have to move on.if it is fated it is. if im to be found guilty of hurting you,then theres always Karma.retribution,whatever you strongly belief in.but as long as we are doing nothing wrong,i dunt see the need for you to get washed away in anger.

besides,situations different now,if any form of emotions that existed for you,well,those are sadly in the past. concentrate on the one that needs you the most and let us all be merry and stay friends, putting aside the different degrees of closeness that exist.intimacy or most commonly known,as a bond cannot be broken just like that, you cannot force it.and if you do,the damage is on you,seriously.please.stop exulting waves of anger towards me.

i have done nothing wrong.

pps:my heart is with TP,i hope O's do not vanquish my dreams into dust and dirt.
i have my fingers crossed on this one.god bless.

Life cannot be any better.It seems so complete and so full of surprises.Today was not any different.Apart from getting a mobile device and having the luxury of my mom's company to go shopping for lingerie, Jane called today. She messaged me actually. So to cut the story short,it was too troublesome to msg so she called me instead.ahh.so nice of her.It felt so good to hear her voice again, it seems abit surreal and yet again i find myself plunging into the times when i would be hogging on the phone and rolling on the bed like always at 8.00 and yakking abt what not, to her. Shes like settled down now and school has been lovely for her.unlike the usual crappy-lets-play-whacko to get to know each other orientations, her orientation was by far more jolly.She had the privileged of having City Tour which includes Themepark Visit.i laughed my head off at such ridiculous plans of the University Of New South Wales.

but then again,it made sense.this is an international institution, language and accent barriers have to be executed in other for all,no matter where you come from to blend in the diverse curriculum of the school.so maybe by having fun, getting to know each other is au'naturale.anyway,back to jane,school for her is 5 mins walk and she has friends that she mentiones,like the caucasian and the korean who are heavily accented by the way.and her time table is simply wonderful,with classes that starts at 10 am,and ends as early as 2 or 3?i can safely say she made the right choice of furthering in aussie.i dont really understand but she mentions taking design as the fundamental foundation that will lead her into the profound world of architecture.thats good.

conversation was not all about her.i was babbling away esctatically and updating her on recent developments here in surburban singapore.even discussing abt my career prospect in certain courses. turns out maybe im really taking dip in cst or law or accounting/finance.

to which jane candidly commented that finance is out because my expenditure is...well,lets just say the financial planning for my clientele will not turn out to be the best planning ever.dip in cst in priority now. because eventually i do realise,i'll be settling down as a married woman and the course is ultimately stable and will provide the necessary skills to be a housewife.haha.as corny as it sounds,but its true,ryt jane?shes supportive.hahaha.

of course,the usual gossip and the i miss you you miss me teeny bopper holler.i mean, well, i missed her. she actually said im a fool for crying out loud.and looking back,i think i am.because just now,it felt like she is still residing at mandarin gardens.but then again,she acknowledges the fact that im emotionally inclined.thats my girl=). all that giggling about what not. just now.im really so glad now.

her holidays will be in april.and you bet,im so looking forward to it.im not like SO looking forward but yes, definitely would be glad to meet her.shes only a phonecard and a phonecall away so im ok with it though i have pre-examined the limitations that i have.but im really thankful enough that shes well, reachable?no better word to substitute that i guess=).

thanks jane,for the sound advice (thats a different one,compared to the usual ''IGNORE LA.'') about the ABC person who was my jnrs EX.haha.ok,i sense many question marks popping up but i aint elaborating any further.and upon completion of the course and after several years of being in the design industry, jane will be capable of interior design and by that time,hopefully,im married=), and Jane i told you i want your services in interior design.so being the purebred singaporean i am, i shall exclaim in delight, "CHOP!im first ok!'' haha.typical.jane says ok.so yay!

and i still want my kangaroo pictures and pictures of the house youre staying in and your uni=).yay!post them yea,i bet not only me,but alot of other inquisitive homosapiens out there would wanna take a peek but does not tell it to your face=).so im merely doing a favour.

ok,im really glad you called=).its a plus bonus for me today.im extremely happy.tho this entry is not like squealing it all out like the typical teenybopper.i do realise i have changed my form of address to my audience to a somewhat more respectful and solemn tone.the next time,i'll call and i'll pay.and that would be..let me see..a friday? yea. a friday.its a date!-grins loftily-

and im confident that, its going to be a 56 mins and 17 seconds worth of calls, well-spent=).
nights to all=).take care and god bless.

do you know that i actually cannot spell tv in full 10 mins ago?i seem to forget how to.gosh.major brain block man. anyway, i wanted to discuss abt shows on the television that are actually worth watching.one of them is, law and order SVU.its the best show ever.its very intriguing,worth every second of my precious time.its like, complicating yet,youre allowed to make your own judgements base on what you think is correct.they lay out all the evidence in front of you and you get thinking abt all the different possibilities.its just plain engaging actually, and the fact it sets me thinking is a pluss bonus factor.C.S.I miami is equally as good too, although i find it a little bit disturbing,the cases that are surfaced.and somewhat grosteque too.but its still good i guess.

anyway,i just got back from bedok interchange.went to haf breakfast plus lunch and then bought a phone. (to replace the one that flew out of the window.)i got the pink 7610.haha.i just like the phone.by the wayy,the latest phone nowadays are just plain bulky and oh so ugly. it doesnt even look like a proper phone.all the 3g.i wanted N70 but look how at how big it is.i think now they are just trying out the 3g technology,when they are able to compress the phone so that its like lightweight and stuff.yea man.

is my font really too small??hmm.i think its fine people.more comments please.hahaha.oh wells.haha.im in such a delirious mood now,despite my scraped knee.and its less disgusting now.but when it cracks.the pain is so unbearable. argh.today i sent kidtoy to go to school.anyway hes trousers were loose so i had to like sew the hook on properly. so that he would be able to wear it without it falling off.haha.i love kidtoy.hes such a lovable sortz.oh wells.

i shall go ponder over things ive never pondered on before again,and i'll tell you whats on my mind soon.
random people visiting my blog,if you do not like what you see, then please leave.whats the use of sending me hate-mail?what are you trying to inflict?psychological warefare?on me.haha.NOT working.

tiddley doos.loves.nadira.

my first complete attempt of doing a layout.haha.not perfect,i know,but i feel very accomplished right now, if you must know.haha.i took bits and bits of codes here and there.you know,half way of doing this layout i almost gave up. it takes alot of patience to dabble in html especially since if youre an amateur like me.i reckon saihah and jirah gave me alot of advice.thanks girls=).jirah,even though you hate explaining to me.hahaha.i love you. now it feels like me=).it feels like this really belongs to me=).haha.i feel good about it.am i the only one that feels like this after doing a template??haha.i love my template.oh wells.this is obviously overrated excitement.haha.

i'd prolly come back later and edit the picture below the blog header, laisser-faire. haha.but im really happy at how dis turns out.man.ooh,ive gotten a new tagboard too.so please tag people=).hahaha.and please tell me if the video code works?thank you.

-mumbles and walks into the wall,thinking happy thoughts.-

i dont like what im sensing.im sensing competition.did i set it up to be that way?never.you choose to feel that way. or maybe a simpler word for simple people like you would be ''jealous''.i dont like it at all.before i move on to rant so much i should hold myself back.afterall, i dunt see why at 17 you cannot understand that we are all friends by nature.its just that we haf varying degrees of closeness and intimacy.so if you carn handle it.too bad.seriously. -grins loftily-.haha.

anyway,on a good chirpy note.im talking to xyz again.haha.i feel better now.if not,each tym shes online,i'll be like guilty and reminded of events that are too horrible to be mentioned.hmms.and for the record,our first convo (since we declare the end of all possible connections) was bitching abt a certain individual.haha,ok before i let myself indulge in more detailed discussion which is what im terribly fond of,i shall stop.things are definitely looking up for me.=).

anyways,i love jirah and saihah and rafiqqa.they are like the best man, when it comes to talking nonsense. winkx. i hope i really land in tp with them. hahaha.oh gosh.okayy.im off to send kidtoy to school now.and fetch ehksan back. and yes,im still going to fetch em back and forth even tho i still walk like the Hunchback of Notrrree Dahmm. sighs. at least the wound is covered up.and im taking painkillers for now.yadda yadda.i haf more things to say so i shall cont later.tatas=)

my knee is really giving me a headache.its so gross and so disgusting i can hardly bring myself to look at it. it has dis pus that keeps coming out and i walk like the Hunchback of Notre Dame (pronouce in the famous England way, Notrrreee Dahmmm.)haha.its a perfect image of disturbance.argh.im wincing in pain now.well at least i muster up courage to actually shower and run the water on the wound.and ges wat??it will clear up in 2 weeks or so. 2 weeks??? ohmygod.and the scar.argh.i can officially give up all my skirts NOW.nevermind.if it doesnt clear up, i'll go to the doctor.my goodness.things i avoid eating will be eggs and prawns.anything to stop it from itching.i wonder if i should cover it with a plaster to prevent any bacterium from invading the bare skin?suggestions anyone?anyway, mr phagocytes that will engulf all possible bacterium and cover my wound,can you please get to work FAST? argh. im frustrated with the slow mechanism of clotting.okayy,maybe im being too paranoid.i shall stop this very instant. i shall look up on the net for food that will contain vitamin k and calcium so i can get more fibrinogen to clot my wound.hmms.

ps: stella im glad we came to a concensus, the next time i call the residence of mandarin gardens, there will be no more ''jane please.''

it will be,

''good morning/afternoon/evening, Princess Stella, this is Countess Nadira speaking, may i speak to Jane KUTU?
hahaha.stel,im very convinced youre an airhead=).nvm,i am too.-grins-

so we are even.hahaha.okayy.shall wash my wound AGAIN.
sighs.goodday to all!!loves.

i have a few considerations for the courses i would like to enrol in poly.what is definite now is that im crashing temasek polytechnic.so i have quite made up my mind on that.courses which i am considering for now is,

1.School of Applied Science

-Diploma in CST and teaching.
the carreer options available for this is Homec Teacher ONLY.
hmm.i seem to have a problem with that.

-Biomedical Science
this one sounds doctor-ry.i can picture myself in a white coat alrdy!=)
career options include being a bio teacher and a sales and marketing executive.

2.School of Business

-Diploma in Accounting and Finance.
Bank officer yadda yadda.Personal Finance Consultant.
I can see it.ME in OCBC.=)

-Dip.in CMM.
oh my gosh.dis is the die-die so many people would want.
campus deejay.blablabla.exciting! Ahh.Broadcast Journalist.

These are my choices for now. Actually the rest of the courses are all equally exciting. but for career and stability sake,well,i figured these courses are most practical.Of course, i wouldnt mind going on tourism because i'll have the luxury of 2 campus.another in sentosa.Exciting.

im getting into another monotonous hassle of deciding about my future.
this is definitely a very OBVIOUS signal that im growing up abit more.

hope my results are okayy.i have my fingers crossed on this one.

anyway enough of all this hoo-haa abt futuristic endeavours.i rode the bicycle to send kidtoy to school. (okayy,now you bear in mind he is 40 kg.) so i couldnt balance and i lost balance and we fell simultaneously.and i scraped my knee so badly.the scrape is so bad.i even need painkillers to sort of ''kill'' the pain for some time. the best part of this accident is that kidtoy did not get hurt.and when i got back to tell my sob story abt falling off the bicycle, ges what ma and pa said? OH MY LORD.IS KIDTOY OKAYY??

...

Like HEY.im the one with the scraped knee here. I need IMMEDIATE medical attention. and you asked abt him instead.so not fair.ok,im sounding abit spoilt right now.i apologise.but the scrape is so bad.i do not know how am i going to shower later.sigh.i shall like bear the pain.or maybe take painkillers before bathing.so it wouldnt hurt so bad.sighs.this is the most significant event of the day=/.

tears will just roll off my cheeks involuntarily.
theres never a second im not thinkin' about you.

i remember all the intellectual conversations we often had, me and jane. and i guess i sort of missed that. shes where i rant bitch and gossip.and i am 100% assured,things i said are well kept in her head. sometimes i do not even need to tell her what i feel for somebody and she'd already know.such, is the connection i felt with her. i remember her telling me abt religious stuff and riots which i thought was really cool and very stimulating.i remember crying like a pathetic lamebrain when i got suspended and i thought she'd hate me for it and i thought,for sure i was going to lose her like i lost alot of my other friends, but she did not. she even payed me a visit when i was suspended. i remembered studying for prelims with her, how we would keep each other awake hourly. i remembered being so down and she sayd, ''dont cry.i'll help you with schoolwork.'' and she set out to prove it.no girl could ask for more in her friend.

we are so different by nature and people have often commented as to how come,we can somewhat share a common connection.and my answer to that would be? fate.almost every night im on the phone with her, talking about what not and sometimes just keeping quiet for awhile and do things that we needed to do and along the way talking. and i know,im not going to lose her anyhow or anyway.shes going to stick with me for life.de impression she has made on me,is impactable to my overall growth in secondary school times.

that laughter of hers is ringing in my head.its been 2 days and i miss her.so bad.knowing jane, she'd laugh this off and say, ''aww.so sad.'' -beams-thats my girl=).wherever you are now, whatever youre doing now, let it be known that im thinking of you.i love you.

nights and loves to all.
im going to sleep now feeling very very cosy after
reminiscing.sort of the ones that lull you to sleep.
sighs.sweet dreams.

im not in the most terrific of moods today.in fact fairly impactful events plus the inevitable menstrual cycle is not making it any easier.i feel like a sordid piece of lean beef.pardon me for the inane choice of words today.while being grouchy and cranky most of the day today,i managed to ponder abt things which i never pondered over before or perhaps,put it in a more specific way,things which ive never bothered and simply carn be less careless of. i thought i knew everything at this very young age,but today i came to a rather enlightening conclusion that life is abt discovery,lost and recovery.i amaze myself sometimes by the analogies i make from everyday life experiences. even the concept of birth can be depicted in; discovery-meaning the delivery,lost-the death and recovery-moving on to the next generation.this is another vicious cycle that is unavoidable by any means just like we need the carbon and ecological cycle.

i realised that im looking at life now at a deeper perspective.its not always abt the things you do that matter.its abt the way you React and the way you Deal with it.I had a false impression when i was younger that if you do what youre told,you'd be fine and dandy.Now,at 17,i would say life is not monotonous.my feelings as a woman has began to thaw,ive experienced maybe a third of the hundreds of emotions.i have mixed feelings abt this.i wish i had a tool to stop it but i realise,if i did have the tool,im only restricting my capacity as a human.a well known philosopher once said that ''he who has no belief has no direction in life.''im thinking about it and yes,i agree with him.what is life without direction anyway?a useless lump of flesh living off others successes.

i came upon another analogy that proves to be a bit thought provoking.it states that we are like the dart,we have an aim,that is the middle of the dartboard, what makes us fail to make it to the centre is the element,in this case,the wind.the wibd will cause deviation for the dart to not make it on its concurrent aim.compare this to us,striving for the aim in life, the slightest element,be it distraction or whatsoever is enough to deviate us from our aim.

i admit,i let distraction and procrastination dwell in my life.i am still wondering when did i learn to procrastinate when i was really a hardworking person for the first 6 years of my tertiary education.the only reason i can think up now,even though its very childish and simply silly,is that somewhere along the way,part of my right brain numbed.
i do wonder if it has anything to do with the phase of growing up,you know the insecurities and acceptance issues. maybe it does but i still am determined to find the scientific logic of them all.

at this point of my life,im still asking questions finding the reason behind life.tonight,i shall detach myself from life and the world itself and try to view life from another creatures perspective.maybe then i would begin to understand it better.i've already known the usual bits,like hypocrissy and infinitism but i dont think its sufficient.well.

for now,nobody talks to me unless they haf something nice to say.and NOBODY.i meant NOBODY that is, will say it to my face that its NOT A BIG DEAL that she went.oh screw you faggots.anyway i will talk more later. im beggining to love blogging even more now.it lets me have quite stimulating and intellectual thought processes.

loves to all.nadira.

shes still here=).

i just got back.im crying now. reality has hit me hard.i do not know if i can write a proper entry without being exaggerated or being too cliched.but i shall try. its just so hard.but anyway i shall list the events in chronology even tho i feel so tempted to just spill my feelings now. but i shall not be selfish.anyway i met mei at 9.45,went to macdonalds to buy fries and filled in a form at macdonalds for a job.den met the rest,melly dixie may yee elis val and jasmine who came later.janes mother and sister was there too.stella=) and that tiny green auntie=).so we chatted like absoulutely nothing is going to happen.like we still have alot of time.i was disturbed.i was disturbed up in my head as to why we are all not in the decorum expected.anyway i just joined in,being the usual comical me.for that whole 30 mins,i was drowned in conversation,i forgot about everything i was thinking about earlier in the bus. then daddy started to call franctically.so i had to say goodbye.gave jane a quick hug,tell her not to forget to email and tag regularly.hugged the small lovable auntie too and of course,stella!we haf dis ra-ra going abt her going on abt me and my ''jane please!'' whenever i call the residence.anyway i like stella,she has a good sense of humour.

in the car it hit me hard on the head.its like a sudden brick has fallen on my pea-sized brain.emotions were enveloping my brain very quickly and i slowly felt my defences crumbling away.snap.all the rubber bands in my tearbag goes.and i cried.the whole thing seems very surreal.i need to take a deep breath now.

there.the epiphany of truth was too much for this fragile heart to behold.shit.another fresh burst of tears.i should let it out.i need to get on.shit,i dont think dis is what jane would want me to do,cry like a spoilt child.

i still remember a few of our conversations.she sayd, when you haf problems,you DEAL with it. you dont sit around and cry because it wont go away.i know i need to be independent instead of dependent now.i'll give myself one night to cry my heart out and then,dats it.im back on track again.

do you noe what?i have this sudden inclination to do things and prove to myself that i can do it. i can. i have dis sudden motivation to do a whole lot of things.well i hope dis feeling last,i am still procrastinating away.

anyway,if jane decides to drop by here, im fine and okayy=).i just needed to get it off my chest.i love you,so dunt worry,im a different me the next time you see me so do email once in awhile ok. and DUH i'll update you on the happenings here=).im feeling wayy better now and happier.

chants in my head.

shes here in my head
shes here in my mind
shes here in my memories
shes here to stay with me
im going to be ok.
im going to be fine.

repeat.

yes im getting the hang of it.
just do not look back now.
the whole point is not to get affected.


i think im going to be fine afterall=).well.i love jane.
take care yahh.god bless you and you visitors out there.

what that doesnt kill you.makes you stronger.hearts.

this blog is under construction.im trying to mess around with html codes to personalize dis skin.i used to be able to do html better.now after being cluttered with o levels material.i dunt even remember how to now.so im slowly trying to familiarise with it again.mas is busy passing me emoticons.haha.i do realise how much i missed mas. she and her special blend of sarcasm.haha.meanwhile i shall go ponder over more html. and yes probably go get ready to go to the airport=).cya all.

under construction.

the feeling of euphoria doesnt seem to go away. you do not need good things to happen to you to feel happy. you just need to feel happy.not that im complaining, but when euphoria is at her climax,melancholia will then start. its always the same vicious cycle all over again.hmm.maybe i should enjoy it while it last.=)

Grandpa just called, and its 2 am. i do not know if there is such a thing called end-life crisis, but he definitely have something up his sleeve, calling up at unearthly hours and calling his favourite son, (my father that is) to random coffeeshops to have supper and the usual tete-a-tete. He is an intense man, my grandpa is, not wise, definitely, if you look at the number of spouses he has and the current one is not any better.not too much on my grandpa, but what is definite is that,my parents wont be back till later.good!

met kim a few days back with her kcdc shirt.the arrogant biatch.=)ahaha.actually im not in a rather favourable mood to update.hmm.we'll see how dis goes.had a rather fruitful conversation with simone.saya tayang awak. ahaha. about what not,and traumas.haha.well.

jane is going away in a day.somehow,its not knocked in my head yet,like reality has not strucked me yet. but i have dis feeling that i would not weep or anything. in fact, i bet im going to stay unaffected.

weeping is not a sign of the pureness and trueness of your friendship. if you believe in the friendship, there is no need for tears, because you know , no distance will be the formidable barrier and that you do not need to look far when you feel the world is crashing down on you because you know she'll be here.


in your memories.
in your heart.
in your mind.

and immediately,you would feel comforted, not pained even more as some others would put it.you can even ''hear'' her in your head and and if you have a super memory,perhaps you'd recall what she would say when youre in certain trouble.and then you'd chuckle to yourself and smile knowing youre not alone.=)

say im crazy,i do not care.im not going to be weeping like an idiot man.especially not in front of jane. PLEASE.
haha.i guess ive grown up for quite a bit.so to jane,

i hope you have a nice trip to aussie.
i hope you take very good care of your little self.

okayy what shit am i writing?
she can jolly well take care of her own self man.its ME thats the problem.haha.
anyway, the only thing i'd say now is,

drink lots of milk jane!=)
and dont forget to drop me mail alright.
and tag tag tag=).


i dunt have the slightest fear of it now.
shes going to stay here.

in my head.=).

lalalala.

nights ya all.
cya at the airport.

it has been raining these few days.i dont know why people are grumbling over it.for me,i do remember trudging to school sweating profusely at this time of the year,my constant lerthagy in biology classes under the ever watchful eye of mr peh and the sun and of course the continuos blasting of my faithful sona fan in my face.so really, i dont know what are the others complaining about.maybe because activities that need the land to be rather dry to be carried out,cant be carried out?well,i do know that the people at NUS are grumbling for a fact that there has been a landslide in their campus.what struck to me as plain hilarious is they actually went a step forward and ask if their building is safe.typical singaporeans.

are our landslides ever deadly enough to actually cause an impactable destruction? nontheless,many they do have a bit of right to worry.but what abt the other singaporeans getting very alarmed at this tiny landslide?asking if there is any chance that their housing estate will be the victim of a landslide. we are really not taking any chances are we?nothing can be compared to the post-landslide area in indonesia. now that is sth to worry about.heard abt the death toll?now that is a big landslide.so singaporeans should actually learn to chill for abit,getting worried will only cause hypertension,that is one of the no 1 killer amongst adults nowadays.

actually we have other things to worry about.landslide is a potential killer.but we should be more concerned abt obesity,hypertension,diabetes,kidney failure and coronary heart disease.these problems accumulated the most number of death tolls compared to landslide over the past decade.besides,we can even die a sudden death from car accidents,inhaling carbon monoxide or maybe who knows,a falling window?so if we are destined to die,we will die. you cannot go against it.no wonder many singaporeans live longer and contribute to the ageing population.

anyway,tab tv that is broadcast every wednesday is such a controversial show.if you noticed,they actually surface topics that are controversial.the topics actually have alot of room for discussions to take place. so, we all go like, WOW,singapore is opening up to controversy in the media industry.think again.what do you actually discuss in 30 mins,commercials included? it just shows that,yes,we are surfacing a controversy but it is still on a hush-hush basis, you cannot discuss too much if not, (fill in the blank for whichever authority) will get to you shortly and give you a damn well good fine for it(singapore is abt money remember?).so seriouslie,we all get excited at the prospect of the discussion and examples that will somehow stir some unrest in our zombiefied thoughts (work eat sleep,replay), but the show is really a disappointment.like ive said countless times before,singapore has a long way to go in taming their controversy sector into something that the mass actually wants.for me, i like that kind of dirt, all this controversy,its bound to be healthy for all of our sordid minds, afterall nothing can intrigue our thoughts more than weird things people do.so i felt tab tv generally dont give enough justice to the topics surfaced.

anyway,im ranting on and on about all my unsatisfactories. so my sincere apologies.i understand there are limitations in life and a mindset that has been existing for over a decade(kiasuism) will need more than a slight nudge to budge from its origin.nonetheless hope my rants add some spice in your mudane life and get you thinking!


i played minesweeper with jane like 863506 times ytd.i still do not get it.nevermind, practice makes perfect. been so busy nowadays i haf no time for myself actually.oh yes,wont be sending jane off.something relatively important crop up. i guess i have to settle with the conventional way of saying goodbye,like, over the phone? yea. wish i could drop by tho but nahh dont think its posibble.possibly a 1/10 chances.anyway,i would still try.will post a dedication to jane soon.take care all.and dont grumble abt the rain already!=)

back to give justification to the prev entry.anyway,like i said,i find that there is a lack of excitement and enthusiasm when it comes to hari raya haji.it comes once a year yet the appreciation is just not there?am i right to say that? anyways,as a young adult thriving in this ever human-desired globalisation,i cannot help but feel that someone must come to the rescue of this memorable date.den again,i still ask myself,how can i be in the state of merriment when its only a day? and how can i appreciate the grosteque sacrificial of the sheeps and the cows when all that goes thru my mind is that,such a painful way to die for these animals.

im forced to make a contradiction now.my heart warms at the thought of less privileged families who get this lump of meat.a feast for them actually,being happy and indulging in what they would think as a rare commodity.maybe im not really well informed on why we haf two hari rayas in the first place.im sure there are a lot out there who dont get it either.however,i do believe things are that way,for a reason,a good reason actually.though it might seem cruel, undesirable,or just plain folly,im sure in the end it benefits all,esp less privileged family.i hope we will all go thru a paradigm shift someday,so that the ol concept of hari raya haji being more impt that hari raya puasa is again established just like it should be.given the priority that it should be getting.

anyway,dis is the UNBFC photos.courtesy of Jirah.Yes jirah,im giving you credit now. so here it goes.=)

UNBFC 2002-2005

courtesy of jirah=).

i have like 5 mins to blog.hmm.no privacy to actually blog properly.i feel invaded.haha.
anyway before i forgot,selamat hari raya haji to everyone ya.

parents mentioned quite sometime ago that hari raya haji is far more impt than the one month raya one.
seems that its kinda turned topsy turvy upside down.today,guess what we did?

went to bibiks house.see what i mean?

theres no real celebration watsoeva.

and by the way whats there to celebrate abt when loads and loads of cows and sheep are being slaughtered all over sg?hmm.i dunt noe.i shall come back to give this entry a justification.

for now,like i sayd.theres an invasion of privacy,the violation of completely normal human rights.

btw,dad doesnt noe wat blogging is.

i viewed fizah's profile just now.saw this nice combination pic of UN and BFC.it just struck me that.
no matter how we dont like each other or carnt stand each other in the course of this memorable 4 long
years, i believe that deep in our hearts,we are all mutual friends.i admit,i dont click with fizah as easily
as some others do, but i know deep down she is a very nice person, in fact,shes very beautiful despite her
blobs2 that we always tease abt.haha.

it also make me come to a rather comforting realisation that friends are definitely for keeps.
distance might maim each one of us,we might all be out of reach,out of touch but deep inside
we are all one and we can seek solace in the thought that each of us are thinking of the other.

staring head to head with each of you guys in the picture.i immediately felt this sense of euphoria,
a feel of joy flourishing thru my head.im reminded by all the smiles that they actually brought me.
all the giler sewel and cacat moments together,can never be replaced.priceless.

due to the sudden inspiration and the sudden overwhelming sense of togetherness of the pic
that i saw on fizah's profile,this is the multiple entry of the day.

goodday to all.may friends keep your world shining=).

the girls came over today.yay the bratzies.without wanyun larr.ahakz.so melly woke me up at 11 plus. she ponteng school sch with syy and wal.haha.den they came at 1.30 or so lahh..like immediately we played carrom.ahakz. funness..im proud to say melly moved on miraculously.ahakz.

melly the none
melly the something
melly the more

ahahaha.its so damnit funny.haha.den dixie sayd sth random. '' nad my mouth itchy'' haha.elehh dat hungry bull.
anyway ate mee and fried chicken wing..lalala.haha.den jane came at around 5 plus la.played carrom.

and jane displayed some interest at first.
quotes jane ''its not fun when youre losing''
ahahaha.den slowly her interest diminished.
and she used the shuddupla method to play.

totally violated the carrom game.den daddy sent them home.haha.so fun.

ok dats all folks.

ps:shimizu is mine!=)

* * * *
i carn belif its 7 days from now.
i so carn belif this.

jika diperlakukan sebegini emangnya saya udah biasakan? -nicholas saputra-

if im treated like dis its nothing new isnt it?im suppose to pick up what you feel and mount with your continuous petulant refusals you wouldnt tell me.not untill i shed tears get angry and blew it even more.yes thats what you love to do.you know what?im sick of childish games like dis.in fact im getting very wearied.so im not going to care.

to each her own girl.
to each her own.

think the girls are coming over tmr.yays.

oh yes to all un girls.abg mok missed us too and he sayd he would tell us when he gets married.
eyy lets be kendaratz terhormatz.

haha.take care all.
im glad that some people do not intertwine in current affairs
like some others do.

and i know youre taking sides.
i dont give a shit abt it.

do it your way.
im living it all behind.

so many good and bad things happened today.

lets start with the bad things first.

B1.got shouted at for no apparent reason.
B2.waited like mofo hours for jane=/
B3.disfigured by cny goodies.
B4.did not get azmirs and fauzie's autograf.

the good things are.

G1.i met abang mokhtar which i missed.
G2.saw fauzie laily with ferring gf minus mobbing fans
G3.saw syed azmir minus concealer.gosh.
G4.jane arrived at 4.30 and we went for dinner.yay

my conclusions on them Bs and Gs.

-some people can be so blardy unreasonable.
-patience is a virtue.princess jane arrived,safe.=)
-festivity can be tarnished by accidents
-people come and go,bt those who go,will come back.
-superstars are normal people.
-events can appear unreal and surreal
-you must act fast.if not,you miss.

im trying to repress the need to bang my head against the wall.
bt that would only add to another disfigurement.

anyway,to people who read my blog randomly and make indifferent assumptions.
you should just get rid of your loser selfs.really.
i cant stand your incessant jitterings.your sardonic sneers trying to
proclaimed that i must haf told everyone every single thing so
therefore.im in the wrong.no faggot,you dont understand.

you dont know me yet you think you do.
PASS the message?i dont think so.
so,GET the message?

i was just trying to say you should mind your own
business.what you do is of no concern to me.
what you say is of no interest to me.

but if what you say jeopardizes my businesses
you had better watch it girl.
from then,it will become my business.

and when i do businesses,i dont play friendly.
i crush trample and bite.

if that doesnt scare you off the hook,why not

YOU TRY.

see if i dont giv you what i promised.

anyways,im not pissed,dont make any assumptions now.
i dont let my anger affect the rest of the world.
so its ok.=)anyway i hada great day overall.

cant ask for more frens like jane sissy melly.

too bad wainpot dont haf.kick you=)

to simone,your apekk shirt is with me.take it soon.
ahh a reason to meet den.yay.

ok love you all.i shall give this entry another revisit
when i feel like it tmr.if not,i'd move on.

felt like i dint give it justice.haha.

ok.i shall go now.
goodnites dear world=).

hey.

*bursts into frantic giggles*

im actually very happy abt today.soo funny.noodles anyone?only i haf i no noodles dat is=).

*winkz*

anyway,derdarling derjane is landing flatt on her butt today=).

now SMILE everybody.haha.

so because dis cantekhead over here decides to be snooty,when asked what flight is she taking,she goes all bitchy and gave us,

NO.im SO NOT telling you.

SO,me and derdarlingz dermelly
are going to tikam2.
after browsing like an idiot thru the teletext.

i found out,the earliest flight landing is abt now,and i bet my whole life on it that jane wont want to land early.haha.typical bimbo,it takes time to look as good as her apparently.

(btw,it takes longer to look good like wanyun.heh.)

so the next flight will be around 10 plus.too early for me and melly.

so we shall tikam de 11 pluss one!!

ok dah. im off.so happy=).

ahh,i fell in love with jenny shimizu.
and btw,she is 38=).haha.

now back off Jolie.

ok that was random.tata-ahs!

i realised ive been most distracted these days.going into a rather morbid state of mind.but for now i can safely say, im not distracted anymore.havent done any reflection of 2005.i personally think that 2005 is the blockbuster of my entire life.it marks the beginning of the downfall of trust,the abolishment of differentiation,the eradication of joy and the distinction between real acquaintances and the bogus ones.

2005 also marks the end of my education in a single sex school.and i would like to share my thoughts on the ever controversial topic of same-sex love,known as homosexuality or in laymans term, lesbians. i shall not say its the same for every singlesex school, but in general, people in singlesex school will experience and be inquisitive about this ''queer'' group of people and for some,fatal attraction is inevitable.

im comfortable with the idea of bisexuality.if you take it in a positive aspect.it means having a bigger capacity than most others.i perceive the mass as being reluctant to accept people who are in this queer category maybe,due to the prudish constraints of religion.you condemn dis people do you think theyre gonna listen to you?its all very well for the so called ''norms'' out there to condemn,because to them,we are going against the ''ideal''.

what?what ideal?idealists are a group of people who thinks that what is currently present is the ideal.the right thing,therefore should not be altered,neither should it be violated.actually, the so called ''ideal'',do not exist.we the community of this fervently small earth, decides on it. like. look,this is the way it is done,not that way.it is not that society is not open to changes implemented on them but i trust that we are moving on to the next generation that will somehow allow this queer group of people to stand out and be open with this status.

however, according to statistics,most teenagers actually revert back to the norm. homosexuality can be a phase.but it can also be for life.it is not that im being utmost biased at my judgements but all im asking for, is a little respect for this group of people.they do not cause any disturbance. we are all inhibitors of earth,even this queer group of people deserve respect.not for standing out as the non-idealist.but to be brave enough to be open abt their engagement with an alternative form of relationship.they therefore shud not be denied the same privileges that other people get.

my salutations go out to kim stolz of antm because she dared to bare it all abt her masculinity on national tv.and yes,i agree that america is still not ready to accept people like kim to model for covergirl.so singapore has a rather long way to go.

and why am i writing this entry again?oh yes,personal reflections and of course,my friend dint get her job because the boss sady,we dont like the way you look (butch looking,meaning).

right.tell him syd,he looks like a goddamn sissy to you.=)take care.

jane practically cheers me up today=).gosh,what would i do without you darling.
all the other honeys are at school.wheres dat wanyun ehh??alaa if youre reading dis
i miss you laa.ok,hears sth i'd dedicate to jane and the other honeys,esp the UN and bratz girlz.
(i love jane more see...hahaha.)(usah kaya kuda ya jane?)hehe.

Is this a dream?
If it is
Please don't wake me from this high
I've become comfortably numb
Until you opened up my eyes
To what it's like
When everything's right
I can't believe
You found me
When no one else was lookin'
How did you know just where I would be?
Yeah, you broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn't leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
You found me
You found me

To UN girls,thank you.
To Bratzies,i love you all=)
To Jane,ok jane,skip you.haha
To Simone,saya tayyyyaaaannng awakk=).

Ok lah jane.mau bilang sama lu gue sayang amt sama lu.
cpt kembali yahh.kangen.

oh jane,kalo belum dpt hint2,
yang bener2nya,ini adalah,
irritating mechanism.
*winkz

love you laa bitch=).

kids can come up with such mordant questions.today being his first day at school, he is excited yet you can still sense the tinge of anxiety in his voice.

''sis,what if my buddy takes away my money,so i wont have money to buy chicken rice?''
''sis,what if i cant manage with this hook school trousers because im so used with the stretchable kind?and what if i pee in my pants?''
''sis,will the teacher get angry if i cant spell dictionary,you know,the thick book ure always reading?''

i looked at him fondly.give him a quick pat on the back and he seems reassured.
he reminds me of me when i was that young,innocent and vulnerable.
i remember carrying a sailormoon bag,with pigtails, mocking my innocence.

which lead me to think,maybe its not that bad to let it go.

yea,let it go.

alright. i am deviating,i do realise that,no worries. the abhorrency of the situation, the axiomatism of the whole event.maybe thats the whole problem.

i am not willing to let go.clinging on a piece of plank to breathe.saying things only i would understand.somehow,it comforts me that there are still elements that reminds me of you.

im smiling now,knowing youre happy.
im laughing now,knowing it was all a cruel joke played on me.
im going now,because you know i'll be there when you need me.

ahh.this is the last time im going to talk about this.
my fondness for a particular XYZ is just a distant memory...


you never fail to leave me breathless

''..If they hurt you They hurt me too..''

i was coming back from a rather energetic fun filled hours with the girls just now.was walking with a mudane feeling.the sun set seemed to give me a smirk, as if saying ''you got away for a few hours,now its back to haunt you.'' can i ever run away from everything?crestfallen.i walked.each step seems to be heavier.

i board a 67.sat down at some place god knows where.and i just left earth. i practically felt as tho my spirit actually left to look for someone.i felt petrified at this phenomena.it seems unreal.so unreal.

until this caucasian nudge me roughly and sayd ''hey miss,ya know it aint no time to cry''. a small snigger from the other fellow commutters.i looked up at him in fascination. he was not clean.in fact he had unmanly stubble.not those posh designer kind.well at least he had a lacoste shirt on.
totally chi-chi.

''im not crying,'' i said on the defensive.

''oh yea,so what are those?it must have been raining here.''-points meticulously at a teardrop.-

''oh fuck off.''

i did not mean to be so rude.i did not.
its just that im too angry with myself.

im too angry with my soul which refuses to be egoistical but prefers to come begging back at the knees.its not radical.

its not.reminder to self.getting up and crumbling again.
glueing it and tearing again.

it will repeat and replay like dis till i get sick

repeat and replay till i drop dead.

when you wont love me again.

symbolic.i find it rather coincidental that friendster actually makes it a point to question its users whether you are really friends with the person you wish to add.ahh.i tried.and it says error.almost as if it knows that im lying.i look at the picture.scrutinizing every detail and i realized i missed sth.the very instant i came upon the epiphany of truth,i felt hot rolls of tears falling down my cheeks.such is the strong emotions i have for a particular somebody.

even when a real meeting was a day.different pages depicting you are getting torn up in my head.in the attempt,my obscure self has painstakingly glued them back together only to tear them again later.the frustration.only god knows.

what amanda sayd was true.slitting yourself might be stupid but it is a security network.
a vehement attempt at escapism.and now i feel like doing the same thing.because im harnessing so much pain that i bet slitting wont have any effect on me.i almost did it.

i only almost did it because i thought about jane.

the road to recovery seems pretty slow.
im getting up and crumbling down again.
but im willing to do it.
for those who love me so much.

even when you dont love me too.

my resolutions for 2006:

1.to reduce the amount of fat accumulated during this holiday season.grr.holidays are a girl's enemy.
the indulgence of rich food like ice cream is almost unavoidable.argh.pluss im a couch tomato=).

2.to stay straight.like i am now=).and get a boyfrend.hahaha.

3.focus on poly stuff.thats where im heading.i think=)biotech=)wee.

4.to spend less moneyy on uneccesary items like anna sui nail polishes when i have 5 others
in pink purple gold black and white

5.to sleep early and early means a remarkable time of 10.00pm.

6.to have more dolls(ahh bratz dollz)

7.to be less sarcastic.haha.this one will definitely have to go.

8.less time on the phone and net.we are talking about a whole night on the phone and a whole day on the computer.first word that comes to mind, ZOMBIE.muahaha.

9.to stay away from gaymen.because i haf this tendency to run into them EVRYTIME.
(lol.private joke)

10.hmm.to not run into you YOU yOU and YoU.hahaha.








theres dis mystical feeling about the dream i had ytd.it strucked me as emotional and plain yearning.my desires are depicted so realistically. such,is the magic of sleeping. i came to a rather daunting realisation that it could never be dat way again.tho in my head i keep screaming,yes we will, the little girl in my heart is squeaking,no darlinx, its gonna hurt.i delved in a distant memory and yet i find myself saying it was just history.encumbered by the painful truth,i held myself back from thinking anything more.

im being rather vague in this entry.i know.its pure torment.and the strong remembrance that seems to always frequent my thoughts are placing my head in a turmoil. i know what im talking about.im confident that im still sane.like i always say.this is a phase for every person i had a typical fondness of.different people coagulate different amount of hurt and psychological warfare.i will recover quick i promise=).

some people have make rather distasteful comments about my blog making a transition from the typical petulant teenybopperish what did i do today, to something more deep and difficult to decipher to the point that it becomes rather boring.


my answer to that.i'd rather make it deep and difficult to decipher than be a typical petulant teenybopperish faggot like you who go on rambling about ''I Hate Everybody!'' and type iN tHiS wAyY.

ive outgrown this,''i love him/her like hell'' shit.
i would say ''fond'',is the correct word.
at this awkward age how many of us actually can differentiate between love and lust?
real or illusions?not many.

im not saying that i will completely be SO adult and So boring always pinpointing at others fault.
you still will see bits and bits of teenybopper behaviour here.
then again who wants to grow up so fast?
maybe what i was trying to say was,i dont wanna be shallow and blog about some nonsense shit that just wastes bandwidth.

or issit the platonic transition from teen to young adult?
i strongly think so.afterall,we all have different levels of maturity and it carn be changed.
(quoted from wanyun the wainpot.)

ahh.growing up is such a big deal.
in fact a topic for discussion.
till later.

its new year.i dunno why i have dis brood feeling which is mounting to anxiety which is mounting to depression which is bound to make me spill these precious tears which are dying to make their escape.maybe all this melancholia is a drawback reaction.from what i suppose.

only god noes.only i know.only jane knows.i got a chance to confess to her de other dayy. as usual,jane knew it all along.and made me happy by playing along.sometimes jane figure out things about me faster than i can.amazing.

i see the caricature of friendship simply befalling before my eyes and i am not doing anything to stop it.are these hands enveloped in ego?or is this the mind going insane?

-silents-


i will feel better later.i'll make my resolutions soon. plenty been forming in my head.
waiting to be selected.meticulously.i shall make the crucial choice.

till den.