although im so wearied with fatigue,this day shall not be left unsaid.finally,the long wait is over.before i start my very very personal story here,i would like to apologise for the previous two (obviously mad,incoherent, immature) entries i made here.that was NOT suppose to happen.and also,if you do not wanna read my long story,please leave, youre of no importance to me and i never force anyone to read.this is going to be incredibly long and emotional and i only post this up here because like i said,today cannot and shall not be left unsaid.do not say i did not warn you.
i was so worried,passing rate for maths 96.4%,combined science scarier,89%.gosh.i was at lost.i was going to cry. i mean,who else would fail these two subjects but me?
THE STORYlets start from the top.
I got posted into tkgs a young green (no pun intended) girl,with no idea whatsoever of how it is going to be like.in my mind,im here, because im smart.and i am going to do well study and do whatever is ideal and will please my parents. in secondary one,i was still ok, academically,i wasnt anywhere near the bottom,neither was i anywhere near the top. i was average.it frustrates me at times but i knew tkgs wasnt meant to be easy.especially since i came in with a borderline aggregade score.
in secondary two,i looked for social acceptance, i was sick of being somewhat average and not liked by my own classmates. shortening of skirts putting on eyeliner, and trying to claim im SOMEWHAT different. controversy,you can say i was dying for attention,and i would go all the way to get it.i began to get distracted,not caring much about school work.as a result,i was posted to 3e9, and since the stigma has always been there, i shall honestly say, 3e9 is the wildest class around. the girls who dont give a damn abt schoolwork,abt anything,was supposedly have to come from there.but that,is not true.
in secondary 3,i was proud to be in 3e9 because i knew people now had some form of ''respect'' towards me, because im in a notorious class and it was somewhat ''cool'' to not give a damn abt schoolwork.actually,at some point i wanted to prove that 3e9 can do well,we are not failures.we can be winners,but i landed myself in a serious offence which prove to be a blessing in disguise.
the impact of my own actions shocked me, my friends moved away from me, they do not like me because im the thief, im an offender and at one point i was even sort of accuse of stealing shona's ten dollars but i knew i had to bear with it,because a thief will always be a thief,thats to the eyes of the masses.i had great support from JANE especially, UN and RAIDAH.these are the people who guided me along the way,when i was led astray.
getting up again wasnt easy i tell you.my grades were bottompitt, i know some teachers think i was useless. and i always think myself as useless. i was lagging in schoolwork and by the end of sec 3,i was ALMOST retained.by god's blessing and a little bit of effort on my part because i was determined to NOT get retained,i pass 4 subjects. CH,ENG,MALAY and LITERATURE.and so my sciences and maths were all downhill.but i was relieved anyway, i moved up to sec 4.
in sec 4,my last year in tk,theres no,i study hard bullshit,although this is the year that everybody works hard for, i was still procrastinating away and the 2nd term l1r5 for me? a huge
37. yes that was how bad it was.i was noisily sobbing away on the phone with jane and telling her that i will never make it for olevels.i will never get below twenty.i shall end up somewhere i dont wanna be.and JANE,being the sweetheart she is, '' heyy dont cry.i will help you.we can study together on my non-trg days.we can.heyy dont cry.omg pls dont.'' it was magical. that instantly lift my spirits up and i believed i could do it,if i put in effort.NO.it still wasnt as easy as you think it is.even with janes help,i still scored so bad for l1r5 everytime.probably what kept me going is because, jane keeps saying ''Dont focus on your l1r5.focus on your individuals subject,must improve first.'' and i was already o nthe verge on surrendering but i still slog on whenever possible.yes. i had trouble with maths and science.these were the killers.for me.this is no fairytale ending.by prelims,nothing magical happened too.i studied hard.i gave it my half-all, (see how unfocus i am) and i emerge with an l1r5 of...37!
even with moderation,the best i could manage was 30.
can you get the picture?
by now,i see it in your heads,
''WAH DIS ONE CONFIRM CANNOT MAKE IT ONE LA.MIGHT AS WELL JUST GIVE UP.''
can you see how many detractors i had?by then,everyone thought i had no hope, i can see it in everyones eyes. when i ask questions to my friends some thought i was too silly,too hopeless and they refused to entertain.and i would go home,feeling so down and whining to jane ''HONESTLY speaking,do you think im hopeless?''
and jane replied, ''just keep on studying laa,pls lo,its not even olevels yet can?''
i see the logic.she doesnt make me feel hopeless,this girl.and that really touches me.and everytime i ask, she will give me the same answer.yes.i studied.harder.and with abit of luck (10%),lots of hardwork(3/4 of my all.HAH.) and god willing,i was able to do my olevels.although it never went smoothly for biology,i never regretted taking the subject, it was fun while it lasted.
and yes,today,after minusing points and all that,plus not counting biology in my results,my l1r5 is
17.now,i dont expect anyone to be amazed at this feud,but think again, from a 37 to 17? thats a leap of 20 points. and you can guess im very happy now.in fact,im beyond elation.
and that,is me,for 4 years of slack'n'work for you.=)so for those who had your results today, i am really happy for all of you,appreciate what youve got ya?im a dancing leave.
CREDITS
my credits will go out mostly to Jane Raidah and UN + Bratz and all the teachers who had faith with the hopeless like me.=).ahh.
but specially for Jane.
you dingbat!im sure you love it when im going to praise you for the world to see.HAHA.anyway my dearest lovable darling in the whole wide world,you have been such a practical person who gives practical advices.therefore i love you,so so much.really.i dunt know how i could have done without you, and thanks for coaching me till 6 everyday when you still had the time.(disrupting ur sleep,i know.teehee) and yes jane,no amt of gratitude can be said.it will take forever.oh god.thanks for giving me JANE as a friend.jane,youre a godsent!=)i love you.
but im still confused.IM STILL ANGRY with you moron. for scoring an A2 in higher malay.and i got the same grade.
this is demoralising.IM DEPRESSED.gosh.go dunk your head in the bin will you?sheesh.
BUT.even when youre moronic.
I LOVE YOU.
off to sleep soon.big day tomorrow.thanks everyone.believe in yourself,no matter how hopeless you are=),like me. i love each and everyone of you( SEE JANE,YOU NOT SPECIAL READY.HAH.NO EGO ARH.hehe.) and i wish everyone the best in life.spread the love you all.=)